Now, that I have cancer, I'm trying to embrace it (as much as one could embrace the awful c-word), face it, and well, beat it. It's funny how once you're diagnosed with it, you're part of this "club", if you will. You discover people all around you that have either battled cancer and survived, are struggling through it still, or know someone close to them that has/is. It's a club that honestly, I never wanted to be a member of, but I'm learning that there are many positives about this kind of "membership".
For example, cancer survivors are some of the most amazing and optimistic people I have met. They have gone through some rather difficult times that even the strongest individual would shudder at, been faced with the prospect of death, maybe given unsurmountable odds, and yet, still conquered. When I read stories about these survivors, I am in complete awe at the kind of person it takes to live through and survive this. You would think that after going through all of that, they would be bitter, resentful (to God), and even understandably emotionally and physicaly exhausted, but yet, they seem to be even more hopeful, energetic, optimistic, compassionate, grateful, humbled, and more joyful for life.
I think some of it is the perspective one gets when experiencing a life-threatening wake-up call like this. I know for sure I was one of those people that said to myself, "That isn't going to happen to me." We've all said that at some point, right? Yet here I am, 32 years old, as healthy and strong as ever, never a health problem, no family history of this kind of disease, and this is what I'm faced with. Yes, it's frightening at times. Yes, I still worry about my future, and especially the next few months/years as I face possible surgeries, treatments, tests, and therapies that could have short and long-term side effects. I worry about my kids, my husband, the changes we will have to make as a family, the financial hardship this will be, and much more. It is something that consumes my mind every hour of every day. And quite frankly, it's exhausting.
BUT, I also know that I am strong enough, in all aspects of my life-physically, mentally/emotionally, and spiritually to take this on and succeed. I know the Lord doesn't give us challenges that we can't face and come out on top. I also know that things happen for a reason. I am not being punished or being taught a lesson, I am simply given a huge obstacle at this time in my life to tackle and learn from, and ultimately, be given greater blessings. And tackle, I will do! At some point in our lives, we will all be given enormous trials. For some, those trials might come earlier in life, and others later on. I just so happen to be facing this now. And I have to say, I would probably rather deal with it now when I'm young, healthy, and strong and have a better chance at surviving it, then when I'm old, frail, and have less to live for.
When I read or hear about these cancer survivor stories, I also see a change in perspective. I am already learning that this "change" is often a greater appreciation for our precious and fragile lives, a mind-set of "living in the moment" and enjoying each day to the fullest, and not sweating the "small stuff" so much. But what I am most grateful for NOW is the closeness I feel to my Heavenly Father and my Savior, the knowledge that they love me infinitely and have felt my pain. I'm grateful for the increase in faith that I have experienced as I go forth and trust in Him and His plan for me. I'm grateful that I can finally let Him shoulder this burden and carry me through it. I also know that I will be healed and cured. I know this because I have felt the quiet reassurance in my prayers as I have pleaded with Him, I have felt that overwhelming peace as I have gone to the temple, and lastly, because I know without a doubt that the power of the priesthood will ultimately make me whole. When I know all of these things, I know that I can and WILL triumph, not by myself, but with the help of the Lord through the faith that I exercise. I also know that this experience will strengthen and renew the faith of many of our loved ones too.
The last thing that I am learning in this experience thus far, is that going through something like this gives me a sense of fulfilling a "greater purpose". I feel and know that somehow this trial of mine is to help others. Maybe I don't know when, how, why, or even who yet, but I know somehow that my experiences will help me in serving a purpose that only the Lord knows right now. And for that, I am again, grateful and deeply humbled for.
May we all do our best to be a little more grateful for what we have right now, enjoy each day (even the hard moments), and live in faith knowing that our Heavenly Father loves us more than we know and only wants us to return to Him. I hope that I can "LIVESTRONG" in my pursuits to kick this c-word to the curb and become a better person because of it!
