Last Hoorah

I really wanted to enjoy my last weekend before heading to CA for treatment (of course, I'll be back in a couple of weeks, but there is no predicting how I will feel). We made sure to get caught up on laundry, cleaning, yardwork, etc so we could just have fun as a family together. Thursday night we went to the temple with the Bishopric, it was a wonderful, peaceful experience and we definitely felt comforted w/ our decision. Friday, I had to run to some appts, while Eric, the boys, and some neighborhood girls did the yardwork. And then after dinner, we went to the park where our ward was having an ice cream social. Saturday, we went swimming w/ the kids and the girls-so fun. Later that day, we went to our good friends' house for dinner and played outside. Sunday was the day that our ward had decided to fast for us. We had also invited our family members and many friends to join us if they wanted.

It was an incredible day filled with the Spirit. We could feel the strength, love, and faith of those that were fasting all around us. The feelings were undescribable. Church was awesome too-and without planning it, the talks and lessons were centered around overcoming our trials and healing the sick through the priesthood. I couldn't believe it. I feel that was no coicidence and that the Lord knew that I needed to hear those words that day. We are so touched by the love we feel from so many and know that it is a direct expression, and tender mercy from our Heavenly Father. He certainly loves us and knows what we need!

Oh, lots of updates below too....

Treatment decision

After a painful month long process of making a decision on treatment, we have finally decided on the next step. I am choosing to do biochemotherapy in SF. This is a treatment that consists of 5 drugs- 2 immunotherapeutic agents and 3 chemotherapeutic agents. It has to be administered in the hospital and is inpatient, where I will be staying for 5 days. It is highly toxic and can have adverse side effects like dangerously low blood pressure and liver failure (however, those things are rare), hence the reason I'm admitted and watched very closely. The rate of overall success for biochemo in Stage 4 melanoma is approx 15% (those that have complete responses), but according to several of the doctors that we spoke with, that number could be higher for me due to my younger age, health and fitness level, and most importantly, that I have lung-only metastasis, and faster growing tumors (both of which respond better to biochemo). Of course, we know the odds aren't in my favor that this will be the end-all, be-all of treatments, but we feel it is the right thing as a first step and a good shot at long-term remission (many of the newer treatments/clinical trials are showing a higher response rate, but not durable remission).

This was a very difficult decision to make, and one that we didn't take lightly. We spoke to and visited with many different experts from around the country, and each had their own opinion (which fortunately, they were pretty much in line with each other). At the end of the day, this ended up being the thing that made the most sense and felt the most comfortable. I'm scared and nervous for alot of things, mostly the unknown (as to how I will react, tolerate, or do on this treatment), but I believe that I will be comforted and strengthened in the times which I will need it.

I leave next Tuesday night. I have a brain MRI and PET scan scheduled for Wed, both of which I'm very nervous for (especially since my immune system has been hijacked this month w/ all the stress!), and praying that no "new" lesions show up. Friday I meet w/ Dr. Minor, then Monday Aug 2nd I'm admitted into the hospital. I will be home Aug 9th for 2 weeks recovering, and then back in the hospital for another 5 days. I will do at least 2 cycles, then be reevaluated before I continue. If I am responding after 2, then they will keep going until I show a complete response, up to 6 cycles (18 weeks). If I don't respond and the tumors progress, then I will try a different treatment. It's going to be a long road, but I know that we have much help to get us through it...

To all of our loved ones, we can't thank you enough for your love, support, prayers, and fasting on our behalf. It is truly an amazing, unbelieveable feeling to feel all of YOUR love. We couldn't do this without you. You have all touched our lives!

Weekend trip to SLC

Despite the expressions on their faces, they really did want to be at the baseball game. They just didn't want their picture taken!

My beautiful sistas

Eric and Matty w/ the kiddos getting ready to run the bases (after the game)

Austin and Matty-ready, set, GO!

GO, Carson, GO!!!

Rounding home...

Austin's second go-around. He would've ran faster if it weren't for the flip flops.

Chillin' at the pool

Carson loved these water fountains-he kept dunking his head in them, drinking them, sitting them, splashing in them...

Austin and I-what a fun day we had!

We made a quick weekend trip to SLC last weekend. We went to meet w/ a doctor, another melanoma specialist, at the Hunstman Cancer Institute on Friday and spent the weekend with family. It was a good visit with the doctor and we are moving closer to making a decision on treatment. I was able to do a bike ride while there (boy, I missed my ole' SLC rides), we went to a Bees baseball game w/ my sisters, swam at the pool, and BBQ-ed. Good times. And so great for me to spend time w/ my sisters, who I hadn't seen in awhile. They are so amazing and I am truly blessed to have them in my life.

Sunday we drove up to Logan to see some of Eric's family. We had a special gathering and dinner, with prayers, blessings, and thoughts directed for us. It was something I will never forget. Eric and I feel so loved and blessed right now. We are overwhelmed with how much support and love so many have extended to us. It is a testament of how much our Lord loves us and has His arms around us right now. And for us, it is a reminder of how important family is.

Not such a baby anymore...

(All of these pictures were taken back in May, by my friend Courtney who was visiting us while we were in CA. I just love these pictures of Carson though-they truly depict his cute personality!)

Our little Carson isn't so little anymore. In fact, everyday he seems to be growing up right in front of our eyes. He is quite the little talker now, speaking in sentences, asking questions, and vocalizing his opinion (gotta love that!). He loves cars, trucks, jets, trains, pretty much anything that goes. Everywhere we go, he has to point out the different kinds of trucks and cars along the way. And the best part is that he gets so excited everytime he sees one, especially semi-trucks. He's also always carrying at least one toy car or truck around in his little palm too. It's the funniest thing.

At times, I find that I'm trying to hold onto the baby in Carson still. Probably because I know that he might be our last, or at least for a long time. Luckily, he still loves to cuddle with me before naps and bedtime, so I take full advantage of that. I also love that he likes to give me random kisses, sure the wet, sloppy ones, but I'll take them in any way I can get them. I love that little guy. He is so precious and tender-hearted. He has such a good nature about him and has always been that way. I marvel at these little special, little spirits that we have the priviledge of raising, "on loan" from Heavenly Father. They teach us more than we teach them, that I know! And the sweet tender mercies that happen through them! Like one day, I was upset and Carson comes up to me and puts his hand on my knee, while saying, "Mommy, it's going to be ok." That was exactly what I needed, and I knew that it was the Lord extending me a tender mercy through Carson. Kids just KNOW. They are so in tune with the spirit. And I'm so grateful that I can witness and marvel at that.

Relay for Life

Survivors Lap

Me and my new friend, Lisa, another melanoma survivor, pulling up the rear

Carson having a ball

Austin jumping around

Getting ready for the luminaria ceremony

Colorful bags lining the track honoring those fighting cancer and those who have passed...

I will win this fight!

Our bags

HOPE

We loved seeing and reading all the different bags

Eric and I participated in the Relay for Life yesterday, which is a worldwide fundraiser supporting the American Cancer Society. Originally we had wanted to start a team this year and raise money on our own, but with everything going on this year, it just didn't seem like something else we should take on right now. So, we joined a friend from our ward's team (who is also a cancer survivor) instead. Relay for Life is a 24 hr event, in which people/teams walk or run around a track in support of raising money for cancer research and funding. Because cancer doesn't sleep, teams are expected to always have at least one participate on the track at all times. Teams set up tents in which they sell or auction baked goods and other items, all to be donated to the American Cancer Society. Bands or music played ALL night, and there were also fun games and contests going on around the clock. People came dressed in costumes or other silly attire. Everything was donated, including the food. There was a "survivor" dinner in which cancer survivors and their caregivers get a complimentary dinner catered by the Macaroni Grill. At midnight, Texas Roadhouse had a free baked potato bar and Marie Calendars donated pies. Breakfast was donated in the morning.

The event starts off with the "Survivors lap" in which all cancer survivors or fighters get tee shirts and walk the first lap around the track. People line the track to cheer the participants. It was a very special moment for me especially to know that I am and will be a survivor of this disease. It was also a testament of how this disease doesn't discriminate and affects people of all ages and backgrounds-there were babies, kids, teens, young adults, parents, grandparents all walking the track...At 11pm, there was a luminaria ceremony in which decorated paper bags with candles in them line the track to honor loved ones who have passed or those still fighting. We honored Eric's mom, Elaine, who passed away 10 years ago from cancer. And we also celebrated me, in my fight against cancer.

Independence Day

On this Independence Day, I reflect and remember how blessed we are to live in this beautiful country. I know we take this for granted too often. And although our country is nowhere near perfect, we must admit-we have it pretty darn good.

Not only do we live in a free land, established by men who had a vision and created that opportunity for us, but we live in a country where we have choices-we can live where we want to live, work where we please, go to school where we choose, and most importantly, practice whatever religion we choose. Many countries around the world do not have this precious freedom. And this freedom is probably the most meaningful to me.

I think about how our church was restored, through the prophet Joseph Smith, and I feel so blessed to live during a time, in a country, where we can have the gospel, live it, and share it with others. There are two things that I am most grateful for in my life. Family is one of them. The gospel is the other. I can't imagine what I would do without the knowledge that I have. It brings so much peace and harmony to my life, and especially during tumultuous times, like now. To know that I have a Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ that love me despite my weaknesses and the mistakes that I've made in my life is a true gift. To know that there is a plan and purpose to us being on this Earth, and that we can return to live with our Heavenly Father again...To know that Jesus Christ died for and provided a way for us through the gift of the Atonement...To have temples and a modern day prophet to help guide us...To have the scriptures, both the Bible and the Book of Mormon to help direct our lives...To have the knowedge that we can live with our families in the eternities even when we pass away...All of these things are just a few of the blessings that I feel from having the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I know we wouldn't have them, if it had not been Joseph Smith who helped restore the gospel upon the Earth in THIS country, and for those founding fathers, who had the vision to create this extradorinary country...

We are so blessed, rather or not we realize that, and I am grateful that I can be a citizen of this great country.